Wally’s mind raced as his peanut sized brain tried
desperately to retain and prioritise the information from the previous evenings
briefing. Sweat poured down his brow as
the enormity of the task ahead of him and filled him full of dread. Mouth dry, stomach churning he flicked the
key on the Kermit-mobile and headed
for his fate with destiny. The lime
green roller skate lurched to life, “there’s
no way out of it now” he thought, as his trusty stead ribbited down the
road to his destination little knowing that he would actually turn out to be a
hero even if for only 5 minutes.
Faster than a speeding bogey the green grolly’s progress was
swift and sure giving 00Shiten enough
time for a quick fag and ANOTHER security sweep of the exhibition area before
taking up his alter ego for the event as one of dem dare lovely Bonsai
Traders. It seemed that P really didn’t
trust Wally at all so had set up shop next door to the creatively(?) named Suteki Accent Pots stall to make sure
that he didn’t crack under pressure (something that had happen oh so often in
the past) and hopefully make a couple of bob too!
Suddenly the pocket of Wally’s figure hugging leather
strides began to vibrate. “I thought that I’d taken the batteries out
of that thing” he thought before realising what was in his pocket was not
what he feared but his phone. “Who the bloody hell is that?” he
wondered as his hand fiddled with his lose change, “Oh, bloody ‘ell, it’s the Boss!” he panicked. “Shiten,
is that you?” came the voice on the other end of the phone, “errr, yes Sir, what’s up?”. “Um, I
don’t quite know how to put this really, but I need your help!” came the
reply, knocking Wally for six over long on.
“Problem Boss, how could I
possibly help?” “It appears that some of Baldfeld’s agents have sabotaged my transport
and I need you to collect me in the Shitewagen ASAP”. “Would love to P but I have the Kermit-mobile
which is a bit gay sir”. “Needs must, so
get your big, fat, leather clad arse down here pronto just in case that there
are any more sinister plans afoot” replied the now frustrated SSS head. “Roger
and out chief” came the reply but there was also a nagging worry that this
could well be just the start of the festivities!
Whilst Wally & P enjoyed the country lanes of sunny
Surrey, well, as enjoyable as they can be in a snot green soft top and the
driver wearing a bright red bowler hat, reports began to circulate that
Baldfelds attendance was a ruse as there had been sightings of a strange
strawberry haired figure lurking in the shadows. Being a bright Spring day, this coppertop had
no choice BUT to lurk in the shadows for fear of his fair complexion
spontaneously combusting! With the two SSS Agents fully briefed, well Wally was
in a thong again but I digress, they made their way with a little trepidation
to their posts in the Traders marque. As
they entered their fear and dread was made manifest as they saw the slightly
silvering mop of the Bellend of Bonsai, the Ginga Ninja himself, Baldfeld’s
chief (character) assassin! “Heavens preserve us” thought P, “Bugger!” thought Wally, never known as
one of the worlds intellectuals. “Morning you pair of Nob Jockeys” grinned
the northern nutter. “Yes, and to you too Mr Jones” replied P
whilst Wally was frantically looking for another pair of socks. “You
pair of pottery poofs ‘ere to see Taiga like me?” quipped Gingemember with an evil grin on his
face. “I’m selling pots” replied the panicked Wally with a nervous smile.
“That shite? Not a chance!”
the Ginga’s grin getting wider. “Honestly, if you have nothing nice to say,
then say nothing Mr Jones” rebuffed P although he did tend to agree with
him about Wally’s ceramic exploits. “Whatever, I’ll leave you pair of puffs to
it, I have more IMPORTANT things to do” growled the gay ginger mincing off
towards the main hall still keeping to the shadows.
So, it was finally out, Baldfeld’s cunning plan had been
accidentally revealed, so who will now to protect the Japanese VIP and where
would Wally get replacement underwear at such short notice?
