Holy Hairpiece! Shiten Storey’s Shock Selection

This years Shiten Road Trip to the Noelanders Trophy saw the great and the good from our esteemed outfit* descend on Genk in Belgium.  With the success of our recruitment drive over the last 12 months more than half a dozen of our “lesser risk” Shites went to play Bonsai’n’Beer leaving some of the higher risk candidates safe in the UK to attend “Homelanders”.  Andy “Gafu” Pearson once again proudly carried the Shiten Banner into Europe’s top Bonsai event but there were whispered rumours of a more worrying disturbance in the Force namely a Shiten display – could this be true?

Somehow Shiny-headed Slimy Scouse Shite Storey Slithered the first ever Shiten tree into a selection only Bonsai event for the first, and possibly last, time - has the world gone stark raving normal?  Unfortunately, due to the “no photographs” policy at this very popular event we cannot post an image of the tree in all its glory, so here it is!

 As difficult as it is for me to type this “credit where credit is due” and Peter, sorry, Les has done a fantastic job with the tree over the years despite his sometimes harsh treatment of it like locking it in a fridge just for flowering.  If there was a horticultural version of Childline then I’d be on the blower straight away – people like him should be locked up!

As with all things Shiten we do like to share the pain wherever possible and the whole display was totally Shite(n)

– Accent Pot made by Stone Monkey, hand decorated by Brother Storey, logo designed by Shiten Simon and the pot for the tree itself was a Stone Monkey commission.

Much to the dismay of the so called Sensible Bonsai Community the main Shiten Strikeforce arrived on Saturday with the likes of Shiten Artist Dictator Will “Woodnibbler” Baddeley and Shiten’s Fire Safety Officer Si “Ginga Ninja” Jones leading the first wave of abuse.  They were also joined by the more serene members of the crew Alex “Mai-Tai” Bonsai and Jose “I’ll get you lost anywhere” Redondo along with their “muscle” ‘arry & Faz.  As generally appears to be the case when Psycho Simon is safely locked away, there were no reports of any general disruption at the event, or assaults on peoples senses with his crimes against fashion!  Does this mean that Shiten is now becoming an accepted part of the Bonsai Community as a whole?  Perish the thought.

Some honour for the Club was actually restored as some on lookers “didn’t get” Les’s tree and thought that it was unkept and hadn’t been styled, ergo, shite – Phew, what a relief, I was getting worried for a moment there!  It’s good to see that the naturalistic teachings of our Shiten Sensai’s is confusing the unbelievers of the Shitenisum movement and long may we be the leading light in all things Shite!

On a serious note (oh no, do I REALLY have to, it makes my fingers burn) a huge CONGRATULATIONS to spiritual brother Warren Radford on wining the event with a deciduous tree.  His Maple looked absolutely stunning naked and in its anti-que pot, a real show stopper.  Well done sir and I can’t wait to see Medusa in a few years time – that will be mind-blowing.

Warren you don't need to to bribe him, it's the other bald one you want!

And finally, for all you killjoys who didn’t attend the Bingo on the Saturday night, shame on you, your all snobs and don’t know how to have a good time – so there!

(*did I really type that out load?)

Introducing the now sound, the psychedelic sound of...............

Hey, hey
I want a Suteki takeaway
Hey, hey

Went to the first Show
da,da,da-da
Went to the second Show
da,da,da-da
Went to Noelanders
da,da,da-da
Didn't have a long stop

Hey, hey
I want a Suteki takeaway
Hey, hey

Went the wrong places
But meet a lot of faces
No silly clothes on
No competition

Hey, hey
I want a Suteki takeaway
Hey, hey

Now I'm at the right Show
To stop my hunger
Can't make my mind up
I'll just pick a colour!

Hey, hey
I got my Suteki takeaway
Hey, hey
Woow, woow, woow!

Sing-a-long-a-Santa

I bet this wasn't on your Xmas list!

On the First day of Christmas,
Shiten gave to me:
A Baddeley in an Elm tree.

On the Second day of Christmas,
Shiten gave to me:
Two total duds and
A Baddeley in an Elm tree.

On the Third day of Christmas,
Shiten gave to me:
Free Shiten’s
Two total duds and
A Baddeley in an Elm tree.

On the Fourth day of Christmas,
Shiten gave to me:
Four crappy pots
Free Shiten’s
Two total duds and
A Baddeley in an Elm tree.

On the Fifth day of Christmas,
Shiten gave to me:
Five strange things!
Four crappy pots
Free Shiten’s
Two total duds and
A Baddeley in an Elm tree. 

On the Sixth day of Christmas,
Shiten gave to me:
Six Pearson’s potting
Five strange things!
Four crappy pots
Free Shiten’s
Two total duds and
A Baddeley in an Elm tree. 

On the Seventh day of Christmas,
Shiten gave to me:
Seven Storey’s scouceing
Six Pearson’s potting
Five strange things!
Four crappy pots
Free Shiten’s
Two total duds and
A Baddeley in an Elm tree. 

On the Eighth day of Christmas,
Shiten gave to me:
Eight maids a-maiming
Seven Storey’s scouceing
Six Pearson’s potting
Five strange things!
Four crappy pots
Free Shiten’s
Two total duds and
A Baddeley in an Elm tree. 

On the Ninth day of Christmas,
Shiten gave to me:
Nine Spanglish gardeners
Eight maids a-maiming
Seven Storey’s scouceing
Six Pearson’s potting
Five strange things!
Four crappy pots
Free Shiten’s
Two total duds and
A Baddeley in an Elm tree. 

On the Tenth day of Christmas,
Shiten gave to me:
Ten bellends cussing
Nine Spanglish gardeners
Eight maids a-maiming
Seven Storey’s scouceing
Six Pearson’s potting
Five strange things!
Four crappy pots
Free Shiten’s
Two total duds and
A Baddeley in an Elm tree.

On the Eleventh day of Christmas,
Shiten gave to me:
Eleven Prunus poping
Ten bellends cussing
Nine Spanglish gardeners
Eight maids a-maiming
Seven Storey’s scouceing
Six Pearson’s potting
Five strange things!
Four crappy pots
Free Shiten’s
Two total duds and
A Baddeley in an Elm tree. 

On the Twelfth day of Christmas,
Shiten gave to me:
Twelve drum pots drumming
Eleven Prunus poping
Ten bellends cussing
Nine Spanglish gardeners
Eight maids a-maiming
Seven Storey’s scouceing
Six Pearson’s potting
Five strange things!
Four crappy pots
Free Shiten’s
Two total duds and
A Baddeley in an Elm tree.

If you would like to know our "returns" policy, please log on to
www.yourstuckwithus.com

Shiten's Sing in Exultation!

Time to go a bit Old Skool!

O Come All Ye Faithless
Joyful and triumphant,
O come ye, O come ye to Shiten.
Come and behold Will,
Bald the King of Angle grinders;
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Will Baddeley.

O Sing, choirs of artists,
Shiten in exultation,
Sing all that hear in Les’s holy word.
Give to our Followers glory in the Lowest;
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Les Storey.

All Hail! Simon, we greet Thee,
Re-born this happy morning,
O Shiten! for evermore be Thy name adored.
Word of the Trees, now in bud appearing;
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Shiten Simon.

Joyful and Triumphant!

Another "rave from the grave" from the somewhat twisted little mind of the Shiten Scribe!

I saw Baddeley kissing Simon Jones
Underneath the Blackthorn flowers last night
He didn't see me down the stairs to have a peek
He thought that I was tucked up in my Bedroom fast asleep

Then I saw Baddeley tickle Simon Jones
Underneath his sack so gingery white
What a laugh it would have been
If Tickle had only seen
Baddeley kissing Simon Jones last night.

I saw Baddeley kissing Simon Jones
Underneath the Blackthorn flowers last night
He didn't see me down the stairs to have a peek
He thought that I was tucked up in my Bedroom fast asleep

Then I saw Baddeley tickle Simon Jones
Underneath his sack so gingery white
What a laugh it would have been
If Tickle had only seen
Baddeley kissing Simon Jones last night

Baddeley kissing Simon Jones last night!

PLEASE, PLEASE somebody stop him - I think he's going a bit mental looking at the moon!

Oh Come All Ye Faithless!

As in the true tradition of the season, Shiten Simon will be recycling some of his so called Festive Ditties as he's too darn lazy to come up with anything original!

Makita sings
Are you listening
In the sky
Sawdust glistening
A beautiful sight,
We're happy tonight
Walking in a William Wonderland

Gone away, is the bluebird
Here to stay, is a new bird
He sings a love song,
As we go along
Walking in a William Wonderland

In the meadow we can build a snowman
And pretend that he is Malcolm Brown
He'll say are you drunk
We'll say No Man
But you can get the drinks
As we’re in town

Later on
We'll conspire
To throw Tickle on the fire
His trees that he’s made
And maybe his collecting spade
Walking in a William Wonderland

Makita sings
Are you listening
In the sky
Sawdust glistening
A beautiful sight,
We're happy tonight
Walking in a William Wonderland

Gone away, is the bluebird
Here to stay, is a new bird
He's singing a song
As we go along
Walking in a William wonderland

In the meadow we can build a snowman
And pretend that he's a Monkey clown
We'll have lots of fun throwing pots at Mr.Pearson
Until the other kiddies knock him down

When it snows
Ain't it thrilling
Though your nose, is a chilling
We'll frolic and play, the BOBO way
Walking in a William Wonderland

PLEASE don't let him post anymore, I don't think my sanity could take it!