Shiten Pouge's Gallery Pt.8

Name: Dougie Mudd
AKA: Fingers
Position: Shiten Coffin Maker
Status: Having a snooze
Claim to Fame: Still being able to count to ten without taking his socks off!

Profile
Some people say that they would give their right arm to be a member of the SBS but this man NEARLY did do it – bloody attention seeker!  More Chip’n’board than Chippendale this prover of the ply and master of MDF can knock up a fair orange box so thought that he’d try his hand at bonsai stand making.  He soon became a Shiten supplier, we do like a bit of marine ply us, and was granted membership after his tantrum after NOT being mentioned in despatches after the Noelanders Shiten Display of 2016 – what a big girls blouse!

Shiten Pouge’s Gallery Pt.7

Name: Will Baddeley
AKA: Woodnibbler
Position: Artistic Dictator
Status: Covered in Sawdust
Claim to Fame: Displaying a "dead" tree at Gingko


Profile
Hedge poaching ex-chorister Will’s rise to Artistic Dictator was seen by some as “sudden” but he had been on our radar for some time. The Suffolk Spectacled Shite’s speciality is making deadwood look, well, dead, and we thought that this would be advantageous due to the rate that Les kills trees, especially Yews. Since the Balding Bearded Bonsaist joined our ranks standards have continued to plummet so it seems that his longer term membership, and leadership, should continue to help us sink to even deeper depths of shite!

Shiten Pouge’s Gallery Pt.6

Name: Alex Mai Tai Bonsai
AKA: Dusty
Position: Member (Probationary)
Status: Buying Pots
Claim to Fame: Giving Faisel a run for his money!

Profile

Smooth, suave, sophisticated ceramics connoisseur Alex is a recent convert to the cause.  Introduced to us by our Shiten Interpreter Alex was soon showing Shiten tendencies and first exposed himself as a Shite at the Heathrow Show last year. Feared and revered on auction sites across the globe his battle cry of “BIN” reveals more about his past than he thought as after further investigations we have found that he is in fact the lovechild of Ted Rogers!

Shiten Pouge’s Gallery Pt.5

Name: Jose
AKA: Sam
Position: Shiten Interpreter
Status: Making Beautiful Gardens
Claim to Fame: Excellent sense of direction!

Profile

Jose’s Shiten journey started as a spiritual seeking out of the ceramic sensei Stone Monkey in 2012. Since then he has never lost his vision, but sometimes his way, and was converted to Shitenisum a few years later. Often filling in when Les couldn’t be bothered, Jose’s faith, and membership, was tested when he represented Gibraltar in the European Final of the New Talent Contest. He later confessed and repented his sins and admitted that life was better on the daft-side!

Shiten Pouge’s Gallery Pt.4

Name: Simon Jones
AKA: Ginga Ninja
Position: Fire Safety Officer (Provisional)
Status: Being a Cock
Claim to Fame: The World’s most expensive bonfire
Profile

Simon's war cry of "your trees are shite" should and could have got him automatic membership to the brotherhood but at the time we were worried that his shy and retiring nature may have been damaged by all the fame of being a total shite.  Often confused, and a founder member of GAP (Ginge And Proud), Simon's true Shitenisum soon became apparent and his membership could be overlooked no longer.

Shiten's Scheming Scientists Shock Society (Saves Shiten Scribes Sanity!)

For those fitness fanatics amongst us you will be familiar with the concept of Fitbit, Shiten's scheming Scientists have managed to combine the benefits of state of the art micro technology with a pile of Shite and we are launching Shitbit© a new development in the field of communication technology.

Shitbit will enable you to monitor how much shit you deal with on a day to day basis, whether at home, work or at the bonsai club/exhibition.  Shitbit is suitable for the young, old, infirm or even the insane being particularly beneficial to those suffering from BOCD* or SSDD**.  This product has been in research and development for many minutes by eminent Balding Bonsaist Professor Les Storey Phd, MIA, Dip.Shite, RSOLE and is at the forefront of Shiten Mame Technology.

The Shitbit has been thoroughly tested by Steve McKee’s shit hound and has the olfactory capability to differentiate between bullshit and utter crap. The Shitbit helps you to determine the volume and duration of shit you have to deal with.  The unique functionality of the device allows you to monitor on an hour by hour or daily basis.  You can use the built in Bristol Stool Chart App to gauge the severity of the Shite. 

Small, stylish and shity the Shitbit is available in a range of colours from amber, burnt umber, chocolate, khaki, tan, taupe, beige, chestnut well basically brown, and comes in a presentation box specially made by Doug “the coffin maker” Mudd.

As an introductory launch offer the Shitbit will be available from Shiten Productions on a three for the price of two basis, buy two and get a turd free for your friends or family.

Those who bought the product said

"The service from Shiten was 'excrement'.”
Tracey, Cheshire

"The Shitbit has provided a real faecal point for discussion at work."
Will, Ipswich

"This new technological innovation (the Shitbit) will go down in the
anals of time."
Doug, Wirral

 “8 out of 10 twats prefer it!”

(* Bonsai Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) 
(** Same Shite, Different Day))

Missed Us?

Apologies Shite-Fans but due to a Monumental Mame Mental Meltdown it now seems that our Shiten Scribe is now (almost) fully operational* again.  He has managed to filter through much of life's ongoing Shite with the help of our Shiten Scientists (more on this later) so we hope that "Normal Service"** should be resumed soon.

And now, a word from our sponsors ....................................

(* as fully as he ever was)

(** define "normal" compared to the rest of the Bonsai Community!)