Friday, 15 July 2016

Shiten's Scheming Scientists Shock Society (Saves Shiten Scribes Sanity!)

For those fitness fanatics amongst us you will be familiar with the concept of Fitbit, Shiten's scheming Scientists have managed to combine the benefits of state of the art micro technology with a pile of Shite and we are launching Shitbit© a new development in the field of communication technology.

Shitbit will enable you to monitor how much shit you deal with on a day to day basis, whether at home, work or at the bonsai club/exhibition.  Shitbit is suitable for the young, old, infirm or even the insane being particularly beneficial to those suffering from BOCD* or SSDD**.  This product has been in research and development for many minutes by eminent Balding Bonsaist Professor Les Storey Phd, MIA, Dip.Shite, RSOLE and is at the forefront of Shiten Mame Technology.

The Shitbit has been thoroughly tested by Steve McKee’s shit hound and has the olfactory capability to differentiate between bullshit and utter crap. The Shitbit helps you to determine the volume and duration of shit you have to deal with.  The unique functionality of the device allows you to monitor on an hour by hour or daily basis.  You can use the built in Bristol Stool Chart App to gauge the severity of the Shite. 

Small, stylish and shity the Shitbit is available in a range of colours from amber, burnt umber, chocolate, khaki, tan, taupe, beige, chestnut well basically brown, and comes in a presentation box specially made by Doug “the coffin maker” Mudd.
As an introductory launch offer the Shitbit will be available from Shiten Productions on a three for the price of two basis, buy two and get a turd free for your friends or family.

Those who bought the product said
"The service from Shiten was 'excrement'.”
Tracey, Cheshire

"The Shitbit has provided a real faecal point for discussion at work."
Will, Ipswich

"This new technological innovation (the Shitbit) will go down in the
anals of time."
Doug, Wirral

 “8 out of 10 twats prefer it!”

(* Bonsai Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) 
(** Same Shite, Different Day))

Missed Us?

Apologies Shite-Fans but due to a Monumental Mame Mental Meltdown it now seems that our Shiten Scribe is now (almost) fully operational* again.  He has managed to filter through much of life's ongoing Shite with the help of our Shiten Scientists (more on this later) so we hope that "Normal Service"** should be resumed soon.

And now, a word from our sponsors ....................................

(* as fully as he ever was)
(** define "normal" compared to the rest of the Bonsai Community!)