Monday, 21 July 2014

Surprise Shiten Selection Shocks & Stuns Spanglish Superstar Sam!

Not a statement that you would normally associate with us but Shiten is fast becoming a truly International Society and it is with the greatest of pleasure that I announce our very first “Overseas” Member Jose aka “Sam” out of Spain via Paris and latterly Lundon. Many people may know him as one of the finalists of last year’s UK New Talent Contest (as well as Chairman of Maidstone Bonsai Society) although this fact didn’t go entirely against him!

His selection was secured on a probationary period at his interview on Saturday night that Andy decided to hi-jack as his “Six Stags Salute Shiten's Stonemonkeys Single Status, Swigging Shots, Sparkling Shandy, Scoffing Seafood, Salad, Steak & Spaghetti” Stag Party. Heated debate about his credentials ensued (plus his use of the English language) and it was agreed, well that’s that last thing I remember, that as long as he upheld the ethos of the SBS and didn’t try and convert the members to actually “giving a toss” about Bonsai then he would be considered. His position within the Society will be monitored closely by the Committee (if they ever sober up!)

Welcome to the fold young Padawan but please note Sam, the Membership fees payable to Grandpa Les are still outstanding although the rest of the Committee are still suffering with the effects of your “payment”!

Monday, 14 July 2014

Shiten’s “Seven Swaying* Samurai” Surprisingly Survive Saturday Stag

We at the SBS are not all about plants and pots and do like to “let our hair down” every now and again although judging by one of our members he must have “party’d hard” as a youngster! On this occasion we got together to ply the Stone One with the grape before his forthcoming nuptials. Charged with the office of Breast Man, opps sorry, Best Man I assembled an elite group of like-minded fellas along for a meal and a wee drinkiny poos. They do say the “small is beautiful” and our little band of Shiten’s (and honouree Shite’s for the evening) had a more than pleasant meal discussing life, the world and everything! Much amusement was had when the “claim to fame” conversation came around with subject ranging from cupping John Toshack’s love spuds, holding doors for Russian billionaires as well as ditties about Joan Collins and Virginia Wade all made an appearance – and our Stag? Nothing, nadder, nowt - a leg-end in his own lunchtime maybe but nothing that sprung to mind. He did confess to treating Private’s privates in his camo nurses uniform in a previous life but that’s another story!

After our very fine Italian meal we moved on to a local drinking hole and partied well into the wee small hours (OK, not that late but it was dark – we’re not getting any younger you know!) drinking more than that is good for us and then stupidly onto the shots. During a drunken Committee meeting we accepted Shiten Membership from our first overseas member after completing his interview and ensuring that “payment” was made in full to Andy and myself! There will be more news on this exciting development when I can get Les’s boot out of my back passage! There was also news of a “Members Perk” but I’m sure that Andy was far too drunk to remember what it was.

Finally, saved by British Rail, it was time to depart to our beds, or patch of floor, shed, clay cellar, wherever you could rest your head really and wait for the next phase of the “celebration” – The Hangover!

(*OK, Grandpa Les wasn’t swaying but I think that I did enough for both of us!)

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Members of Mass Distraction

At this time of heightened tension and security, the SBS Committee has taken this opportunity to re-evaluate its membership criteria. After incursions from BOBO, the BSA and MBS it has become apparent to us that we have been lacking in our security and background checks of our many, many members. With requests growing on a daily basis we are now evaluating prospective members on a “points” system based around the attached Membership Application Form*. 

Due to the unexpected additional workload involved we have regrettably had to levy a Membership Fee which will be based on how much it costs for the Committee to fall down drunk or a lifetime Costa Coffee Card for the bald one! 

(*All data collected by the SBS will, of course, be available to any interested parties for the appropriate bribe)