Thursday, 19 November 2015

Shiten Pouge’s Gallery Pt.3

Name: Andy Pearson
AKA: Monkey Man (Clay Crusader)
Position: Shiten Ceramic Sensai
Status: Making Pots
Claim to Fame: Beating the Japanese at their own game!

Slip slinging ceramicist Andy first came to prominence in the early noughties with his “eats meets west” style but over the pasta few years he’s had the lasagna laugh as he’s fast become the UK’s premier Shohin Slingler.

Since his self imposed sabbatical Andy has sometimes wandered from the path of TRUE Shtienisum but he’s been doing his penance, and a few bloody marys, with his co-creation of the laughably lame Suteki Ceramics and anyone who has worked with Simon for any length of time will tell you he could try the patience of a saint!

Shiten Pouge’s Gallery Pt.2

Name: Tracey Gibson
AKA: Boudica
Position: Member (Probationary)
Status: Frightening People
Claim to Fame: Meeting Les Storey

Vertically challenged Pixie Goth Tracey, powered by mushy peas & tizer, lurked onto the Shiten radar as a serial stalker in the Wirral.  Although besotted with our founder here feminine charms didn’t work on the Shiten Dictator although the death threats did and following exposing herself at Bonsai Europa her application was given serious consideration.

Although sceptical about having a female on board it was agreed that it would help with the Clubs diversity as well as someone to make the cakes for bake sales, covert character assassinations and someone to make the tea!

Shiten Pouge’s Gallery

As part of our Outreach and Chaos in the Community Programs we have been advised that it would be prudent to share our member’s profiles so that you all know who the hell to avoid if approached by a stranger - and you don’t get any stranger than this bunch!

So to start us off we have the biggest shite in the Club and chief instigator of misinformation and chaos the one and only………………………………….

Name: Simon Hadnone
AKA: Frog Boy (Clay Crusader)
Position: Shiten Dictator & sometime Shiten Scribe
Status: Sober
Claim to Fame: Escaping Bury alive on a Saturday night in the outfit he wore to Europa

He was working as a waitress in an erotic cocktail bar when we met him,
but even then we knew that Bonsai would be a more Shiten place,
especially as his trees are poo. 
Will picked him out, and shook him up, and tried to turned him around,
and tried to make his trees less poo!

Now five minutes later on you've got deadwood at your feet,
being Shiten has come so easy for you,
but don't forget it's Will who’s put you where you are now,
and FINALLY made your trees less poo.

Wednesday, 18 November 2015

Better Late than Never!

It appears that the Shiten Scribe has been too busy stirring up shite elsewhere recently and has been neglecting his obligations to keep the great unwashed updated on the worldwide rise of Shitenisum.  We continue our adventures somewhere Up Norf!

Bonsai Europa

Bonsai, Beer, Buddies, Beer, Brotherhood and Bitches!
The bustling Northern hamlet of Bury hosted the first every edition of the brainchild of Mr Tony Tickle (honest) Bonsai Europa.  This was one of, if not, the biggest Bonsai event ever hosted in the UK bringing traders and exhibitors form all over the UK, Europe and even further afield.  No respectable bonsai show these days would not be complete without the Clay Crusaders, the Kings of Cool Clay, the Glazing Goddesses Sexy Suteki Si and Macho, Macho Monkey man, Adonis Andy!

Liverpool may have spawned Beatle-mania but it was Baddeley-mania that took Bury by storm for 3 days.  Curly tosh’s, Derby ‘ats and Lennonesk Specs abound in the venue and it seemed to confuse the b’jesus outta some folk (well they are a bit simple in these Northern ‘amlets) but the Bald Bill Baddeley did show up, did show up, did show up – or did he?
Will the REAL Will Baddeley please turn up!

"Game of Cones" - Ceramic "Gods" deep in collusion!

Two of Bonsai's best, looks like they need bigger hats!

Bonsai Beer O'clock

"Erotic Wally was finally found!

Friends from across the Channel
As can be seen from our Postcards from the Edge (of sanity) photos, a great time was had by all which included unearthing the Erotic Wally and finally finding out who Will Baddeley REALLY is!  

Shiten’s newest member, and new Artistic Dictator, will no doubt make a much need boost to the Global appeal of the Shiten Group although the jury is still out on the tree improvement! Other long time lurkers and stalkers, Tracey Boudica Gibson and Alex Mai Tai Bonsai (aka Dusty) have both been “promoted” to probationary Honorary Shites, whilst Simon Ginga Ninja Jones is being duly considered for the post of Fire Safety Officer!

So was the Show a success, did Tickle titivate the masses, well yes actually!  I was lucky enough to enjoy breakfast on the Sunday morning with the Irish Ambassador and via his translator I managed to glean that his nation thought the event was a success and would be reporting back to the EU commission accordingly.  But enough of foreign politicians, what was the Triple S* rating? 

This jurno gives it a smashing 4/10 which added to a very highly thought of and published poll rating of 6/10 gives Bonsai Europa it’s TRUE rating of 11/10!  Agreed there were too many cash points and places to park and eat (if you are allergic to good home cooked grub!) but I do understand that all visitors will be invited to take off their rose tinted spectacles and be supplied with a FREE miners helmet for viewing the atrociously lit displays next time around.  Work on the Bonsai Boulevard Hyper-vehicle Link Expressway (London to Bury in under 2 hours!) will start construction in the Spring and will be ready in time for the next Show – and not a cone in sight!

*Shiten Success Scale