Tuesday, 24 January 2017

Shite Trek – The Journey Home

Captain’s Log Supplemental
Due to disruptions in the space-time continuum, sub space communications with Starbase Shite have been severely disrupted but we think the Shitesurprise’s boosted signal is now coming through………

Stardate 28-02.1230
As the conference progressed Helmsman Pearson notice an alien infestation on some of his unglazed wares.  The more he looked, the more they bred, the more they bred, the more he looked – what could this be and where did they come from?  He first noticed a faint spec which then grew and grew finally becoming a solid semi sphere of silver.  Further investigations by the crew found that the Shitesurprise must have been boarded during Captain Chrome-domes emergency caffeine stop.  With the finger now well and truly pointing at the Costa Cartel rumours were abound of a weapon that they had secretly been working on – Nano Tribbles!

These ultra-hi-tech weapons of mass replication were created to infiltrate and eradicate higher types of lifeforms and technology. It seems that this batch must have malfunctioned and seen the chief Shiten Slinger as a danger to ceramics as we know it.  We all ACTUALLY know that it’s Suteki Simon who is the chief culprit of crimes against ceramics* but as these little critters had gone haywire so that would explain the mistake!  These pots had to be isolated at once but it seems that the delegates liked the shiny domes and soon the infestation was over, well, until the unknowing new owners got their infected pots back home that is!

Stardate 28-02.1500
News crackled across the comms that some important announcements were about to take place concerning the strange folk wandering around with sticks earlier in the day.  This information seemed to cause much excitement amongst some of the delegates so it was phasers to stun, just in case of any alien shenanigans.  It turned out to be the prize giving for the Best Trees/Displays of the conference so no need for the crew to panic as there was no “Shite” Award – or so we thought!  Amongst the great and the good it was decided that Security Chief Will “someones gunna get hurt real” Baddeley won the award for “Best Stick in Pot”.  His English Elm raft* in its custom-made container swept the board beating more conventional alien creations and well done to him!

With all the excitement over it was soon time to pack the Shitesurprise and head back out into the Big Black at warp factor 9 and plan next year’s invasion!

(*it wasn’t originally a raft but it seems that the trees decided it was the best way to try and escape Suffolk – that or a canoe!)