Wednesday, 26 November 2014

Shiten Supporter & Sometime Shiten Student Seymour’s Sickness Scare

I don't know who maintains his "weave" but it ain't him!
It seems that Bonsai is fast being seen as a “dangerous sport” with a spate of quite serious illnesses of late, along with the very sad passing of the wonderful Ray Ward and the inspiring Paul Goff recently, news hit the desk of the Shiten Massive that one of our students (I do use this term very loosely!) had been admitted to hospital very, very unwell. Marc, Maidstone Bonsai Society’s Secretary, (complete with comedy breasts and revealing miniskirt) and sometime Shiten warrior has an affliction to wiring and upon being told by John Armitage at the Capel Manor Show that his Juniper needed wiring went a funny colour. Palming the job off, as usual, seemed the order of the day but due to more serious commitments of his designated wirier (mainly watching paint dry etc) his tree remained in need of attention. In an attempt to get out of his chores, and no doubt leaving it to his long standing lovely wife as usual, he took it upon himself to be hospitalised with pneumonia! Following a visit from Shiten’s roving reporter and NHS 111 Guru* Les it was confirmed that he “was not very well”.

Unfortunately (for his trees at least!), we can report the Malingering Marc is now back at home and recovering well – i.e. slacking! It would be expected at this point for the SBS to wish Marc well for a speedy recovery but that’s not the Shiten Way! Now, due to this incident, Shiten is going to have to examine its health policy and might well now have to introduce the disclosure of full medical records, and a possible medical, for any student looking to partake in future Shiten events. It is always the case that the minority spoils it for the majority and this selfish act of hospitalisation again proves that our vetting process may well need an overhaul – thanks a lot bud!

Shiten does in fact have a message for our sickly student “get off your fat arse, back down the Club and wire your own bloody trees!” Love, Peace & Bananas buddy.

*It cannot, at this time, be confirmed whether Nurse Les went “in uniform”, complete with suspenders and peep-hole bra, but investigations are continuing.

Wednesday, 5 November 2014

Shiten’s Super Second Showing Surprises Some Sceptics – Stonemonkey Shuns, Spanglish Sam & Seymour’s Substitute.

It was a great privilege for Shiten to get a second invitation to the Heathrow Bonsai Show which is fast becoming seen as the UK’s “season closing show” – not a bad accolade to have.  Due to its increased popularity the Show changed venues this year allowing more Clubs, individuals and traders to be include – the result? FANTASTIC!  Although Shiten has “Ten” in it it does seem to have the correct prefix as Stone Monkey was again absent from this event seeming to concentrate all his efforts on some tin pot Japanese Show next year.  Never mind, negotiations are at an advanced stage to bring another Shiten supplier on board – watch this space!

Much praise has been given to Mark, Ming and there willing group of organisers, and rightly so, and full 2sensible reports can be found elsewhere on t’internet so we won’t go over old ground.  All we will say is one of their trader choices was a bit “suspect” we must say although he didn’t come in fancy dress which was a bonus.  A WARNING to all Show organisers – BE CAREFUL this man is a menace!

 Photo courtesy of WPC S.Mckee
Die Haddon!
Unfortunately, it wasn’t all good news as Triple S (Storey’s Shiten Security – Southern Division) had to be on full alert after unwarranted death threats towards Shiten Senior Simon from Shiten’s Shropshire Stalker.  A seemingly pleasant young lady on first impressions, although unfortunately being afflicted with humour induced incontinence, it seems that the darker side of being a Stalker of the Stars is beginning to be seen - the Bonsai Authorities have been put on standby just in case!  It also seems that Crimewatch might also need notification as well as BOBO vagabond Will Baddeley was caught on surveillance robbing the food vending stall with a “cheeky chappy” grin for the camera.  I didn’t go much on his disguise however for such an undercover operation being resplendent in his bright red “uniform” – very fetching young fella m’lad! 
 (not that I can say much based on my dress sense!)

They say to finish on a positive, much, much better than one of Les’s songs(!), so congratulations to EVERYONE involved and associated with the Show (and that does include you Haddon!) as it was relaxed and totally enjoyable.  Well done again.  Next year’s event can’t come quick enough for the SBS as it will be interesting to see how many UK Bonsaists start to follow the Shiten Way!