Secret Shiten Spy Snaps Surprise SUTEKI Shots

It seems that the wise words of Sensei Storey seem to have inspired/frightened serial slacker Simon into action. As can be seen above he is once again attempting to plumb even lower Shiten depths of achievement and this should be applauded by the Club. It is understood that these “containers” should break cover later next month and we are very hopeful that his latest collection will take Shiten Bonsai to the next level!

Unfortunately, it seems that some members of our esteemed Club are joining Simon in not following the “Shiten Way” and it seems that Balddylocks could have a busy few weeks ahead of him converting some of our later recruits, who should feel honoured to be in such company, back to “The Daft Side” as confused of the Bonsai they seem!

Spanglish Speaking Styling Superstar "Sam's" Societies Selection/Sponsorship Stuns Shiten's Seniors (Simon, Stonemonkey & Storey)

The recent invitation from the Federation of British Bonsai Societies has shocked and saddened the senior members of Shiten Bonsai. On one hand we are proud that our Sam(Jose) has been invited to represent British Bonsai as the new talent at the EBA event in Lithuania in September 2015. On the other hand it brings into disrepute Shiten's standing in the bonsai community, we as a society have strived to maintain low standards. And now we have a member who has the potential to be a star styler of bonsai. This of course could result in us rescinding his membership of Shiten.

The benefits of his early selection provide an opportunity for the Shiten members to influence his styling approach and also give us 12 months to try enrol him on elocution lessons so that he can try to speak English properly like wot the rest of us do!!

Shoddy Second-rate Southern Slacker SUTEKI’s Surprisingly Satisfactory Showing!

It has been noticed in some circles (especially amongst the Committee) that a certain probationary member is spending more time on “his own projects” (like his potato, sorry, patio) and not embracing the Shiten ethos of sharing our fantastic hobby, and trees, with the great unwashed. If he does not learn the “Shiten Way” then we could be sending for the Blacksmith! 

A long time ago (well, it seems it) in a Hall far, far away Shiten’s second string substitute Simon was on a mission to uphold the honour of SUTEKI by displaying a formal composition at the internationally recognised Magical Bonsai Accent Show. The Committee were delighted (OK, totally gob-smacked) that he even was allowed entry into the event let alone display his somewhat dodgy pots and plantings. His plan was to have a mixed display of plants as well as pots to help disguise his lack of ability. Ever the crafty little so and so he displayed pots from all over the world which left little room (thankfully) for his attempts at making clay containers*. Below are some pictures of his display and you can all play “Where’s (the) Wally’s (pots!)” 

Despite our student’s best efforts the Show, once again, was fantastic with an interesting mixture of pots, plants and imaginative displays. The standard gets better year on year (a bit difficult as it’s held every other year but you get the point) with the “bar” being raised even higher which is great for the hobby. I’m sure that the next event will be even better although a better vetting process of applicants might help sort the wheat from the chaff (that’s “chaff” Baddeley, not “chafe”). 

Even though poor Simon tried really, really hard to disguise his shoddy workmanship with rampant foliage, “proper” pots and pretty flowers the SBS’s verdict has to be a “must try harder” even though it does seem that his work (thankfully) didn’t detract from the wonderful event. 

(*We have been on to the Oxford English Dictionary to see if his work can “legally” be described as a “pot” and are awaiting a clarification)

Shiten's Stonemonkey Shows Southend Society Some Sexy Shapes!

Southend Bonsai Society (in their wisdom!) invited Shiten's Mr Stonemonkey to demonstrate his pot making skills at their annual show at the Bushukan Bonsai nursery. During the day he displayed his world renowned talents and threw a few shapes* on the wheel as well as Shohin, sorry showing, how to construct a slab pot.

As this was the first time since he joined Shiten that he had been invited to present on his own the elder of the group went along to make sure the low standards of Shiten were not breached. I am happy to report that Mr Stonemonkey maintained the low level that we have come to expect from our elite membership.

(* he's really down with the kids you know!)

Surprise Shiten Selection Shocks & Stuns Spanglish Superstar Sam!

Not a statement that you would normally associate with us but Shiten is fast becoming a truly International Society and it is with the greatest of pleasure that I announce our very first “Overseas” Member Jose aka “Sam” out of Spain via Paris and latterly Lundon. Many people may know him as one of the finalists of last year’s UK New Talent Contest (as well as Chairman of Maidstone Bonsai Society) although this fact didn’t go entirely against him!

His selection was secured on a probationary period at his interview on Saturday night that Andy decided to hi-jack as his “Six Stags Salute Shiten's Stonemonkeys Single Status, Swigging Shots, Sparkling Shandy, Scoffing Seafood, Salad, Steak & Spaghetti” Stag Party. Heated debate about his credentials ensued (plus his use of the English language) and it was agreed, well that’s that last thing I remember, that as long as he upheld the ethos of the SBS and didn’t try and convert the members to actually “giving a toss” about Bonsai then he would be considered. His position within the Society will be monitored closely by the Committee (if they ever sober up!)

Welcome to the fold young Padawan but please note Sam, the Membership fees payable to Grandpa Les are still outstanding although the rest of the Committee are still suffering with the effects of your “payment”!

Shiten’s “Seven Swaying* Samurai” Surprisingly Survive Saturday Stag

We at the SBS are not all about plants and pots and do like to “let our hair down” every now and again although judging by one of our members he must have “party’d hard” as a youngster! On this occasion we got together to ply the Stone One with the grape before his forthcoming nuptials. Charged with the office of Breast Man, opps sorry, Best Man I assembled an elite group of like-minded fellas along for a meal and a wee drinkiny poos. They do say the “small is beautiful” and our little band of Shiten’s (and honouree Shite’s for the evening) had a more than pleasant meal discussing life, the world and everything! Much amusement was had when the “claim to fame” conversation came around with subject ranging from cupping John Toshack’s love spuds, holding doors for Russian billionaires as well as ditties about Joan Collins and Virginia Wade all made an appearance – and our Stag? Nothing, nadder, nowt - a leg-end in his own lunchtime maybe but nothing that sprung to mind. He did confess to treating Private’s privates in his camo nurses uniform in a previous life but that’s another story!

After our very fine Italian meal we moved on to a local drinking hole and partied well into the wee small hours (OK, not that late but it was dark – we’re not getting any younger you know!) drinking more than that is good for us and then stupidly onto the shots. During a drunken Committee meeting we accepted Shiten Membership from our first overseas member after completing his interview and ensuring that “payment” was made in full to Andy and myself! There will be more news on this exciting development when I can get Les’s boot out of my back passage! There was also news of a “Members Perk” but I’m sure that Andy was far too drunk to remember what it was.

Finally, saved by British Rail, it was time to depart to our beds, or patch of floor, shed, clay cellar, wherever you could rest your head really and wait for the next phase of the “celebration” – The Hangover!

(*OK, Grandpa Les wasn’t swaying but I think that I did enough for both of us!)

Members of Mass Distraction

At this time of heightened tension and security, the SBS Committee has taken this opportunity to re-evaluate its membership criteria. After incursions from BOBO, the BSA and MBS it has become apparent to us that we have been lacking in our security and background checks of our many, many members. With requests growing on a daily basis we are now evaluating prospective members on a “points” system based around the attached Membership Application Form*. 

Due to the unexpected additional workload involved we have regrettably had to levy a Membership Fee which will be based on how much it costs for the Committee to fall down drunk or a lifetime Costa Coffee Card for the bald one! 

(*All data collected by the SBS will, of course, be available to any interested parties for the appropriate bribe)