Friday, 30 January 2015

Sunny Suffolk Sojourn Speculates Seriously Special Shiten Scalp!

After months of multiple applications, emails and occasional begging the Shiten Executive finally gave in and agreed to interview our latest potential new member. Being very, very wary of “undesirables” trying to infiltrate into our esteemed Society it was decided that a “face-to-face” two part interview process would be necessary so it was left to the Shiten Scribe to be the offering, oops, interviewer. 

(l to r) Candidate and interviewer - would it still all be smiles at the end of the process?

William Baddeley first came to Shiten’s attention whilst making far too much noise in the disabled toilets at the Burrs Residential Retreat and since then we have kept an eye on this upstarts progress. Previously a Thatcher (moving on to Merrydown and White Lightning at a later date) it seems that he didn’t waste all of his time whilst standing around on a roof doing beggar all as his perception and attention to detail of the finer aspects of a “Winter Image” have gained him a reputation* as well as many, many admirers including the great Walter Pall! Will “Powertools” Baddeley, is a champion of British Natives and along with Dean “look at my titties” Kelly and Simon “Ginge Member” Jones they have helped form BOBO (Bloody ‘orrible Bonsai Organisation) which aims to raise** the standard and appeal of the UK’s native trees. BOBO is fast becoming an elitist group of misunderstood yokels looking to fight off the Bonsai Devil in all his forms and this straight forward “noble ox” approach very much appealed to the Shiten Committee. 

Part 1 of the process involved an “informal chat” about the state of the UK Bonsai scene, character assassination, walking, talking and drinking at the same time and which cunning plans Mr B had to “help” the Shiten membership etc for which, we can divulge at this time, proved “interesting”. There was also a physical challenge which involved traversing the highest peak in Suffolk WITHOUT safety equipment and this was noted as only “satisfactory”. After hours of intense interviewing and cross examination into the wee small hours (OK, nearly flaming daylight!) the debate was declared a draw and it was agreed that the applicant could have a few hours rest before the practical part of the process. 

The morning dawned dry, bright and full of promise, unlike the candidate and interviewer, and after a bacon bap and a cuppa (tea, not soup!) Will was presented with the “stick in a pot” for his practical examination. Agreed, this was not the best material on “Planet Bonsai” but to make a sow’s ear you should at least start with a silk purse. Unfortunately, this was financially beyond our reach so he got a nylon one instead! Progress was kinda slow, mainly due to the sloppy wiring and too many tea breaks, but this pleased our interviewer no end. There was also a small interruption in the afternoon with Chris “Hobbit-meister” Royal losing his way home from The Prancing Pony only to end up in deepest, darkest Mirthwood! Now, with his rhythm broken, and becoming unsure of himself, Will was heard asking the Halfling for styling advice which then turned into a mass-debate which eventually lead to the Hobbit bolting to his hole and everyone else running for cover! Entertaining, and very Shiten, this was seen by the examiner as a plus point but had there been too few during the test? We will let you be the judge of that! 

The "Executive" were impressed the the use of the "tree" to emphasis the "stick"!

As with any interview process no result was available on the day but with some promising, and not so promising, points coming out of the process. On the plus side Will can’t be playing with a full deck as he’s “more than happy” to be Simon’s Sensei (which could well be a very large plus point in his favour) but then has to go and spoil it and produce a very professional looking “purse”. With Simon having to take his findings home and have them evaluated by Shiten HQ it would have be hoped that a result either way would be forthcoming but Shiten Storey’s off seeing Peter Kay in Manchester so you’ll have to bloody well wait till he gets back Badders for the result – watch this space! 

(*Not to be explored at this time!) 
(** This is one aspect that needs further clarification)

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